This is the basis of all good parenting courses.
To teach parents that any behaviour their child engages in,
is really the childs means of communicating a need to the parents/carers /educators.
You will learn a number of methods of communicating back to the child so that they can then learn to behave in a more desirable way.
This can be done using positive reinforcement using praise and or rewards, consistent routines, ignoring undesirable behaviour, having set consequesnces and ensuring that you are available to your child to spend time together and of course provide validation for their feelings.
The idea is that by providing this from a young age your child will have a secure relationship with their parent and this will provide the resilience required for them to grow up and handle lifes challenges with a level of capability that they can build upon and which will see them through to an acceptable level.
However there are exceptions and quite a few of them at that.
depending on your childs developmental progress,
depending on your childs ability to understand ,
depending on whether or not they have special needs,
Depending on whether or not they are exceptionably able
depending on their response to praise
(some children just don't like it)
depending on their response to positive rewards
(some children will only ever learn to seek rewards which leaves them open to seeking rewards from undesirable people for undesirable actions )
depending on their response to a consistent routine
(some children will reject it for being boring)
depending on their response to the behaviour been ignored
(some children will feel that it is them that is being ignored)
depending on their response to consequences
(Some children will only ever take it as a personal attack)
depending on their response to one on one time
(some children will find it overstimulating/boring)
depending on their response to having their feelings validated
(some children will become over dependent on this while some will find it patronising)
These are just some of the possible reactions of the child, they don't even begin to take into account the parents availability to parent in this way.
Some parents will do it all by the book but their children are still no beter off and they will feel it is somehow their fault.
Some parents will find they are caught in a pattern of providing rewards that are becoming increasingly difficult to meet.
(usually the older they are the more expensive it gets !)
Some parents will find that their child will do the opposite of anything they approve of, literally!
Some parents do not have the ability themselves to be in a consistent routine due to their own needs.
Some parents end up feeling like they have become imprisoned by the consistent routine.
Some parents cannot meet the logistics of giving each child one to one time each day and as this is a cornerstone of most courses any resistance by the child may be attributed to this.
Some parents feel like the quest to validate feelings is an emotional minefield each day.
Some parents may be completey frustrated with the complete lack of understanding that these courses have for their childs needs that they dont ever want to do a course again.
and so ....
Aligning with Autonomy has been developed to provide an alternative
The basis of Aligning with Autonomy is also to recognise that All Behaviour is Communication but we go much more in dept to look at
how the behaviour of a parent /child relationship is interpreted by the child ,also,
how is the behaviour of the teacher/child relationship beign interpreted by the child.
how is the behaviour of each of the significant relationships your child has developed be it with adults and or children being interpreted.
They are all relevant to your childs learning and therefore how your child communicates through behaviour.
What Exactly is being communicated to the child?
What is affecting how the child interprets behaviour?
Have there been some misunderstandings?
Are you communicating at a level that is on par with their ability? including children that are gifted?
Has the full story story been explained ?
Have some essential learning milestones been lost in translation?
Will what you are teaching your children now stand the test of time?
Is anything that you are trying to teach your child being compromised by how other peole are treating them?
Are the waters being muddied by how they are interpreting the behaviours of the people (children and adults) they are meeting on a daily basis.
Aligning with Autonomy is about taking a step back and looking at your childs experiences from their perspective.
It about looking at all the factors that make your child an individual.
It's about setting skills targets for your child that will ensure they are meeting them on time for when they need them.
It's about looking at how you interact with your child and ensuring that what you intend to be communicated is being recieved in the appropriate context.
It's is about establishing yourself as a resource for your child to ensure that you are able to support them and teach them how any mis-communications that happen at home, at school and of course on the playground!
Aligning with Autonomy is about ensuring that your child has access to having their needs met but that this is done in a way that will build them up intrinsically without creating a situation where their foundation is built on external resources.
Aligning with Autonomy is an all inclusive programme which teaches parents how to ensure their children are prepared and able to differentiate their behaviour for different scenarios not so that they can please others (that is a secondary benefit) but so that they are happy and at ease to avail of all the opportunites that are available to them, for themselves, and with the goal of ultimately being self sufficent .
Some might think the bar is set high but I would question why would we accept it to be set anywhere else?
I am aware that some parents may not be in a position to attend a course in person, I am in the process of putting together the material for an online course/. please feel free to message me to register your interest.
Appointments for parents are available on a one to one basis.
the full course is 7 sessions which include an Introduction, 5 modules and a review session.
I can work with you in your own home in the Galway/Clare area or online
I am currently working on putting together a course that can be delivered to professionals including teachers, special needs assistants and family support workers, to support children who need it at home and in education
Please feel free to message me to register your interest.